Sunday, March 27, 2016

My Favourite Joke

The Annual Miracle Of Purim

(Actually, this has nothing to do with Purim. It is in fact my favorite joke, containing a willfully stupid grocier, a passive-aggressive waterfowl, and the tantalizing promise of nourishment.

(It's also a good general example of how The Universe treats us. It has a has a habit of returning, with the same questions, until we solve them -- and then hits us with a change-up at the end: Wow! Didn't see that coming!).

A LITTLE DUCK walks into a grocery store. He waddles up to the grocier and says, "Hey -- got any duck food?"

The grocier thinks. "Um, no," he says finally.

The Little Duck looks up at him. " 'kay," he says, and goes away.

The next day, the Little Duck was back. He waddles in, looks up at the grocier and says, "Hey -- got any duck food?"   The grocier looks down at him; is this duck nuts? He was just in here!

"No!" the grocier says.  " 'kay," says the Little Duck, and he goes away.

The next day, the Little Duck was back. He waddles in, looks up at the grocier and says, "Hey -- got any duck food?"   The grocier spins around, looks down at him and says, "NO! I told ya -- I gots NO DUCK FOOD ! You come back in here askin' about duck food again and I'm gonna nail your little webbed feet to the floor!"

" 'kay," says the Little Duck, and he goes away.

The next day -- the Little Duck was back. He waddles in, looks up at the grocier and says, "Hey -- got any nails?"   The grocier thinks. "Um, no," he says.

The Little Duck shakes a little. "Ooo!  Okay ! Got any duck food?"
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Friday, March 25, 2016

The Collect Call Of Chtulu

When You're Lost In The Rain In Juarez


... and it's Eastertime, too.  Greg Stillson, GrandTurtlebear of the Church Of I Kill You !, may have been a Busy Wittle Evangelical Xtian; Oh Please let it be true. Break out the Good Popcorn.
REUTERS / WASHINGTON - Republican Ted Cruz on Friday denounced an article in the National Enquirer tabloid claiming he had extramarital affairs as "garbage, complete and utter lies" and accused his opponent Donald Trump of being the source of the story.
"It's tabloid smear, and it is a smear that has come from Donald Trump and his henchmen," Cruz told reporters at a press conference in Wisconsin, as the battle for the Republican presidential nomination reached new levels of personal rancor.

Trump issued a statement saying he was not responsible for the article. "I have nothing to do with the National Enquirer and unlike Lyin' Ted Cruz I do not surround myself with political hacks and henchman and then pretend total innocence," Trump said..

The National Enquirer, a tabloid known for its gossip and unflattering celebrity photos, published blurred images of five women with whom it said Cruz has had affairs. The newspaper did not name the women.

By Thursday afternoon, #CruzSexScandal was a worldwide trending topic on Twitter.
We have the Good Popcorn now, and will watch what happens next -- because, if you haven't been able to determine this on your own, an auto da-fe in America is a bit of a moveable feast: yesterday, Trumpo is all lit up; today, it's Stillson.  And the Corn Of Pone pops on as America's version of fascists stab publicly at each other; hee hee hee hee.

Shame that it signifies the continued unraveling of democracy here in the Respublik, but, hey; what are you going to do? You can't bite City Hall; it bites you.
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And No One Is Suprised

Crash Dick
Lehman Bros. CFO, Erin Callan (L), And CEO Dick, Circa 2008

As the 2008 Crash was still ongoing, the U.S. Congress (at that point, still controlled by Democrats) held hearings in the House Of Representatives; if the Crash had happened a year later, the Rethugs would have been in charge, and it's doubtful hearings would have been conducted.

One of the principal figures called to testify was Richard "Dick" Fuld, the CEO of Lehman Brothers -- before all the fun, valued in the multi-billions of dollars, the only "investment bank" to have utterly and completely failed when the Crash came, sending its employees into the street carrying cardboard boxes of personal items and a Thank You, then declaring bankruptcy in September, 2008.

His testimony came roughly three weeks later -- it had already been reported that Fuld would be paid $250 million in direct and indirect compensation for the year, before the bankruptcy was filed.
Mr. Fuld, by turns combative and contemplative, and often pained by interruptions of his answers, repeatedly denied that any misrepresentations [i.e., of the true value of CDOs being sold as investments to clients] took place. Even when confronted with internal documents that seemed to tell a different story, Mr. Fuld said he believed until five days before the Sept. 15 bankruptcy filing that Lehman remained in decent health.
“No, sir, we did not mislead our investors,” Mr. Fuld said in response to a question from Dennis J. Kucinich, Democrat of Ohio, who wanted to know how Mr. Fuld’s public statements could be valid in light of efforts by JPMorgan Chase to secure $5 billion in extra collateral from Lehman in the final days.
“To the best of my ability at the time, given the information I had, we made disclosures that we fully believed were accurate,” Mr. Fuld said.
Now, Erin Callan, Lehman's Chief Financial Officer in the last eighteen-plus months before its collapse, has published a memoir of those times, "Full Circle". Callan had repeatedly warned both "Dick" and senior managers at Lehman that their exposure to toxic mortgage packaging in CDOs was not only "bad", but Ruh-Roh Bad. As the only woman in a testosterone-soaked boardroom atmosphere, not onkly was she being paid less, but "Dick" and his sycophantic buddies didn't feel they had to listen to her, either.

 This Little Piggie Had Roast Beef (Photo: Doug Mills / NYT)
When Callan ... took over as CFO, the plan to get rid of some commercial real estate assets was “in the 18th draft,” ... She pushes her colleagues harder on the topic pretty much from the start, a claim Callan substantiated by emails obtained by both the commission and the bankruptcy court examiner’s report penned by Anton Valukas...

Callan... was smacked down by the kind of diversionary tactics that men rarely are forced to confront in the workplace. These episodes are even more galling when recalling Fuld’s nickname: the Gorilla, so-called for a penchant for punchy patter... Callan nevertheless appears to be the only one who had the sexist card played against her – and at precisely the moment her persistence was most needed.
The New York Times in October, 2008 also noted,
While defending his own pay [~$500 Million between 2000 and the 2008 bankruptcy]...  Mr. Fuld was asked why Lehman approved nearly $20 million in payments for two departing executives about a week before the bankruptcy filing...
.
The committee also released e-mail messages sent in June [2008] in which Mr. Fuld and George H. Walker, a Lehman executive and cousin of President Bush, responded in what Mr. Waxman called a mocking tone to a suggestion that executives at the company decline bonuses.
In November, 2008, "Dick" transferred ownership of the principal home he shared with his wife, bought by them in 2004 for $13.75 Million, to her for the sum of $100. He was named by Conde Nast Portfolio as the "worst American CEO of all time".  Fuld has not been barred as a securities trader and has continued to operate unhindered in the financial sphere since the Crash.

Lehman Bros. London Office Sign, Auctioned At Christie's, 2012
Callan saves one surprise [in her book] for the end. In January 2015, Fuld called her. It was their first contact since she left Lehman. He apologized for leaving her “on my own to handle things” and told her he still thought she was the best choice to be CFO... Fuld at the time, however, was months away from making his first public speech since Lehman’s collapse. He again would blame everyone but himself for the bank’s collapse. 
There was a crime, but no punishment. "Dick" lives very comfortably -- as do the heads of the Five Families, the Dimons and Blankfeins. Tens of millions of Americans (so far; you think this is over?) have been savaged by the greed and sociopathology of people like him.

Everyone knows what the Crash was like; c'mon, folks, you lived through it. This was less than eight years ago. And none of these persons have spent one day in jail -- think about that.

And -- very little has changed to prevent another Crash from happening again. Think about that.
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Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Lives Matter

Noch Einmal

Photo: Brussels, March 22, 2016 (Charles Platiau / Reuters)
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Monday, March 21, 2016

Am Grünen Strand Der Spree

Frühling

(Photo: Ebertstrasse, Berlin; ©Wikimedia Common)

 Unter Den Linden, Lovis Corinth, 1922
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Friday, March 18, 2016

Random Barking: Reposting Friday

The World Is A Box Full 'O Bad Crazy Weekend
  • ...looking for A Way Out.  It's Friday in Berlin, and someone remembers that without people who follow, the Leader is just another guy with a funny moustache -- or a weasel who lives on his head; or a thin woman with short, dark hair; or a chubby one with blonde hair.
Because of the perceivable growth of Germany's Afd of late, particularly as measured in last Sunday's elections in three German states — which had been dreaded but expected — much of the discussion I see & hear is similar to what's being written & said about the Republican Primary in the US — and particularly, in the case of the former, the voters' influence.

Most talk has had to do with how to stop the rise of fascism, and ... includes by default of context how to go about changing the minds of the people in a movement. The corresponding discussion in the US seems largely focussed on Donald Trump himself. It expands beyond that only in how it objectifies his followers with something akin to a couplet of consequence: "Look what he's letting them do!"  "Look what he's making them do!"

What these discussions do not do is soberly acknowledge that all of these growing gatherers will exist tomorrow, no matter what happens to Donald Trump or the AfD. 
  • Meanwhile, in downtown Beltway, people who know the Village must be destroyed in order to save it (yes; I understand the pun and irony in using that old bromide, here) are lining up for a confrontation with... themselves.
The seminal event in the crackup of the Republican Party is not the rise of Donald Trump as their presidential nominee, contrary to popular opinion. It was the overthrow of John Boehner as Speaker of the House. That showed the power of the forty-odd members of the House Freedom Caucus, and their incompatibility with the GOP establishment and the compromises required by divided government (or for that matter, math).

The change in leadership at the top has not bridged this divide. Despite months of happy talk, the Freedom Caucus rejected Paul Ryan’s budget resolution, likely leaving the Republicans with ... the continuing irreconcilable differences between conservative factions. Trump will not be able to fix this either; only a purge of one side of the party or the other would.

The Freedom Caucus essentially wants to control government from a base of 40 members of the House, with only a few allies in the Senate and no president willing to agree to their demands. They want to defund Planned Parenthood, balance the budget through massive spending cuts, dismantle government healthcare programs, and overturn every executive order of the past eight years, regardless of not having the two-thirds support in Congress that would be required currently to override Obama vetoes and make that happen.

Conservatives had to beg Ryan to take the Speaker’s job. His prescient leeriness stemmed from seeing Boehner put in the impossible spot of rounding up votes for routine government functions. And absolutely nothing changed when he received the gavel.
  • As an older Dog, I have nearly a 1-in-4 chance of living in poverty within the next 15 years (it would be much less if there was a Mrs. Mongo, but). In the near term, I have a 16.5%  (close to one in five) chance of ending up in the same situation within the next five years. Want to know what your chances are?  Go here and spin the big prize wheel, Me Droogies.
  • What happened to John Titor? Bet you don't even know who that is, Pilgrim.
  • If you were the Annie Liebovitz of North Korea, you could be in constant jeopardy: See the wonderful photoshoots of Kim Jong Fatboy, XBox Terror of the Korean Peninsula.
  • A wonderful map showing the distribution of the only humans who matter High Net Worth persons around the globe, along with a guarantee you will not be among them (if you are, Please Burn In Hell). You will find this fun and informative.
  • Hot, bad, and anything you want, (as it is said) for those who do. Try your might and main against the really smart kidz in the room, and win the coveted Tub Of Slaw.
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Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Reprint Heaven: In The Beginning Was The Word

Gott Und Die Politik

(This, from August of 2010.)

-- The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.

Glenn Beck, At Lower Right Surrounded By Private Security Guards,
Waits To Begin The Rally behind A Poster Of A Native American
(Photo: Brendan Smialowski, New York Times Online, 8/28/10)

It isn't really important that someone staged a religious rally in Washington, D.C.; that's been done before. The Moral Majority and Christian Coalition have staged them, and the 'Million-Man March' comes to mind.

But this is the first religious rally that is overtly political, a demand to link or merge church and state, organized by evangelical christians with the general theme of turning America back to god -- through the general emergence of a new political force, the vaguely-defined 'Tea Party'.

And it is happening at a time when the mainstream media continually portrays the state of National politics as confused at best and governing against the will of the People at worst. And, this rally is happening at a time when many people are out of work, angry and vulnerable, and ready to listen to a "new message".

The Times stated that NBC news estimated 300,000 people lined the Mall between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument; the event's spokespersons said it was half a million. "But," said the Times, "by any measure it was a large turnout," which to me is disturbing.

The Rally (Photo: New York Times / Jacquelyn Martin - AP)

It was organized by Glenn Beck -- an eager entertainer who has the backing of Little Rupert's News Corp., the most powerful media conglomerate on the planet. Ten years ago, Glenny was just another drive-time talk jock. Now, he's standing with the Lincoln Memorial at his back, believing he speaks for god and preaching a mixture of biblical interpretation and Rightist garbage.

The Most Something Name In News: Reflecting Beck's Penchant
For Truthyness And Factitiousness (Screencapture: CNN)

It's a Meaglomaniac's dream come true. However, the phrase, "Jesus wept," is invoked for a reason. There are a large number of people who see Beck attempting to equate his little monologue with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech in the same place, on the same date -- an address of hope and a demand for equality and justice, that has nothing to do with the ego of a tubby con man enabled by a media oligarch. And they're not happy.

"For too long, this country has wandered in darkness,” Beck said to a nearly all-Caucasian crowd in a long, rambling speech that repeated themes from his Fox television program, his Clearchannel radio show, and his Web 'University', all of which push a bizarre amalgam of half-truths and boldfaced lies about American history.

"This country has spent far too long worrying about ... and concentrating on scars," Glenny went on. "Today, we are going to concentrate on the good things in America, the things that we have accomplished, and the things that we can do tomorrow.”

"Under God": Tea Party Attendees Recited The Pledge Of Allegiance;
Find A Black Person In This Photo And I'll Pay You 1,000 Quatloos
(Photo: Brendan Smialowski, New York Times Online, 8/28/10)

Speaking of something many of the other tubby white men in the crowd would do, Sarah Palin spoke immediately after Beck; "We must not fundamentally transform America as some would want," Palin said. "We must restore America and restore her honor."

The themes were consistent: America is on the wrong road; we need to regain our honor; we need to look to our glorious past; we need to turn back to religion as the basis for governing the country; and as Beck has been spouting for several years, the Federal government should be reduced in its power, and get out of the lives of its citizens... and all citizens should accept god, and live by godly principles.

Obligatory Cute Dead Animal Photo In Middle Of Blog Rant

...the important thing is that all signs are that the next few years will be a combination of economic stagnation and political witch-hunt... This is going to be almost inconceivably ugly.
-- Paul Krugman, "Failure To Rise"; NY Times, August 28, 2010

I believe a large number of people will snort out a laugh about Beck's rally, and his performance, today (even David Niewart, who has kept as close an eye on the totalitarian leanings of America's Right as anyone). After all, they'll say, we've heard all his themes before; nothing new there -- and they'll make fun of him.

But I also think people are uneasy at what they're seeing; all sniggers aside, the rally had a moderately respectable turnout (Definitely not half a million, and not 300,000; but respectable).

And, because Beck wants nothing short of a revolution -- he's as much as said so. His enablers and investors (monkey-gland-fueled oligarchs like Little Rupert, and the Billionaire Boyz Club) think the Tea party will disappear, sooner or later -- but intend to make Progressives spend capital and resources fending it off ...and get something out of it for themselves.



And if it does become something; if the country ends up being ruled by nut jobs like Palin and Bachmann and Paul... well; it's nice to be on the right side of people who believe god speaks to them, isn't it? Because those people usually take a Dairy Queen full of people hostage and then demand money, a fueled jet, and "complete release".

Unless revolutions are seriously non-violent (as Dr. Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights Movement, or Mahatma Gandhi's long effort to win independence for India, were) and truly have justice and history on their side, they end in two ways -- a coup d'etat, because in order to survive, a government has to share power with the revolutionaries (Germany in 1933); or a seizure of power by force, (the French and Russian Revolutions), usually with some involvement by part of a country's professional military officers.

Who Wants To Swear Allegiance To Anything We Say, Or End Up In
The Gulag? Soviet 'Citizens' During The Purges Of The 1930's

In either case, the revolutionaries need scapegoats. In moving from the Old Order to the New, there will have to be punishments, a comeuppance. And, since it's a Revolution, the old notions of civility, fairness and justice won't apply. The revolutionaries suddenly in power will do whatever is necessary to keep it -- and to survive, people will have to swear allegiance to whatever those in power want them to.

Because in the end, it is all about power; "Where the broom does not sweep," Mao Zedong said, "The dust will not vanish of itself." In order to bring about revolutionary change, the new leaders won't ask a society to do what they want -- they have to demand it, and behind that demand is always the barrel of a gun.

In a political revolution, that's bad enough; ask the Czechs, the Romanians, the Bulgarians and the Russians; the Spanish and the Germans. But in a revolution created by religious True Believers, they will not only want you to agree that two and two make five; you will have to prove to them that you believe it with all your heart. Or else. The only way religious revolutionaries can build consensus is by attacking 'heretics' and 'unbelievers' as defined by their leaders, who claim to speak for god.

Francisco Goya, Inquisition; Prado Museum, Madrid

For example: Non-christians, agnostics or atheists may be identified by others in their neighborhoods to the authorities. They may be ostracized, their businesses boycotted. Eventually, they will be marginalized legally -- at first, laws may be passed requiring only recognized christians to hold public office or civil service jobs; then, to hold any job. Then, to own certain kinds of property.

And while all this is going on, the media is broadcasting the message that since the new leaders are informed by god, directives of the new government are directed by god as well -- in fact, will be equated with god's will. Those against the government, and certain non-christians, are evil; "in rebellion against god"; agents of Satan.

Nazi Auto-Da-Fe In The Operaplatz, Berlin A.R. Moritz, 1938

And, the things these evil people have made -- art; literature; scientific studies; architecture and design and theater ... all of it will become objects of official ridicule and discarded (even, burned in public) as evidence of moral degeneracy.

Exhibition Of 'Entartete Kunst' (Degenerate Art); Münich, 1937 --
An Exhibition Of Art Declared Against The Principles Of German
Culture And Society As Defined By The Government (Wikipedia)

It's inevitable; at some point, witches will have to be be tried. There will be forced confessions (as with the Inquisition, or Soviet Purge trials, or Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge). If the accused don't recant, and accept whatever interpretation of religion the leaders direct as orthodox -- then, it ends in executions and anonymous graves.

Cambodian Teacher, Photographed Before Execution By The Khmer Rouge

If you think this is science fiction, substitute the word "Jew", or "Homosexual" "Communist" "Monarchist", or "Liberal" for 'non-christian', 'atheist' or 'agnostic', and remember history (only, recanting an unpopular opinion, or changing religious affiliation did nothing to help the Jews).

If you spend even an hour listening to 'christian' radio, its broadcasts are long, ranting monologues about fire and sin that build slowly to a frenzy -- and always delivered by men, shouting, about seeking out and recognizing the devil and the ungodly, about punishment to come.

-- Those who punish others out of a claim to know wickedness are blind to it in themselves.

I'm a long way from saying we're on the cusp of a Rightist takeover of the government. More likely, the Teabaggers can try and ram god down the country's throat, and at some point the society will begin to choke. Until then, it will look and feel like the McCarthy era, as incompetent evangelicals run the United States onto the rocks and brand everyone who blames them as agents of Teh Satan.

However, make no mistake: any change of government in this country from its current, secular democratic Republic would have to end in the repression, imprisonment, and murder of anyone whom the new leaders saw as a threat. That is the nature of revolution; there are no exceptions. There never have been.

If Little Glenn Beck has another rally, and more people show up than there were today -- if this is pushed as a "populist" uprising by Right-wing media like Fox and bankrolled by billionaires with revenge on their minds -- then I would take note, and be afraid, because the days of living in a pluralist, secular and diverse society may be numbered.

-- All that is needed for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

[-- All Boldface and Italicized Quotations: Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797); Taste The Irony ]


Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Stupor Tuesday Too

Chairman Of The Board Loves You

Trust me: It all gets better when you realize the 'Higher Power' is a 350-foot Bipedal Lizard. Plus, there's All-Night Dancing, radioactivity, and Mysterians!  Basically a Gorjirra / Dance Club / Fukashima / Chernobyl / Roswell Space Alien fusion kind of thing.  Saul Goodman, as they say.

MEHR, MIT UNGEHEUERISCH EIDECHSE:   Trumpo !  Hillary The Inevitable !  And, for your listening pleasure, Adalbert Lutter und Ihren Band will play Tea Partei Kommt in Amerika !



... But Donald J. Trump and Hillary Clinton’s resounding triumphs on Tuesday masked a profound, historic and unusual reality: Most Americans still don’t like him. Or her.

Both major parties must now confront the depth of skepticism, resistance and distaste for their front-runners... Even as they watched the two candidates amass large margins on Tuesday, historians and strategists struggled to recall a time when more than half the country has held such stubbornly low opinions of the leading figures in the Democratic and Republican Parties.

“There is no analogous election in the modern era where the two top candidates for the nomination are as divisive and weak,” said Steve Schmidt, a top campaign adviser to George W. Bush in 2004 and John McCain in 2008. “There is no precedent for it.”
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Monday, March 14, 2016

We Have Found Our Leader

It Is Mandatory To Look Upon Him 

Yes; this is a cartoon metaphor for fascism.  Go ahead and look. You know you want to -- what the hell; after the election, you'll have to !


Soothing, After A While.  (Courtesy Futurama)
 
After Liquidating Your Bank Accounts And Giving Them To Me, 
I Will Purchase Many Exciting Plush Toys To Venerate The Hypno-Toad
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Saturday, March 12, 2016

Menschlichkeit

Israel Kristal, The Confectioner Of Lodz

(Photo: New York Times; Dvir Rosen/Guinness World Records, via AP)
The New York Times published an article in yesterday's edition that is enough to make you cry and dance at the same time. Israel Kristal, a confectioner from Poland, "lived through the tumult of two world wars, lost his family in the Holocaust and escaped death in the Auschwitz concentration camp. He then built a new life in Israel. On Friday, at the age of 112 years and 178 days, he was declared the oldest man in the world."
“There have been smarter, stronger and better looking men then me who are no longer alive,” he added. “All that is left for us to do is to keep on working as hard as we can and rebuild what is lost.”

The Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum in Oswiecim, Poland, said... that the announcement of Mr. Kristal’s longevity was “a very symbolic fact considering his personal story.”
I keep saying we live in a world with a very limited supply of Mensches. You know what being a Mensch is when you see it. We do tend to put people who have heart and talent, or insight and popularity, people who move us, up on a pedestal. We respect the suffering of who survived the unimaginable.

Our heroes are human beings; they have (or had) lives, and are as human and fallible as anyone, including Mr. Kristal. But I would argue that it is being imperfect, surviving and going forward, Hallelujah Anyway, recognizing "time is so short /and love so brief", that makes being a Mensch possible.

In life, we need examples of others who survive, and live -- not just through days of the worst our species can do to each other; but living through the other thirty-eight thousand days when life must be lived, for better or worse, in the small gestures: ecstatic, boring; the losses and failures and small victories. And to be grateful -- to what or whom, I can't say, but grateful nonetheless.

The Israel Kristals of the planet allow us to remember that. They remind us to live right at the edge of the black curtain, that border between the Human and the Sacred (if there is any such thing), and proclaim that we are alive -- and that we can rise, cry, laugh, and dance.

Mazel Tov, Mr Kristal: A Mer Leb'n.
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